Let the Goodbyes Begin

I've said goodbyes before and I don't think they're ever fun. This week has been the start of them and actually has been very emotionally exhausting. I mean I know I am my mother's daughter but it kind of caught me by surprise, especially my reactions to leaving my clients.

For the past 11 months I have been a Case Manager for a transitional housing program at Community Action Agency in Jackson. I have met with families AT LEAST every other week in thier homes for the last 11 months. These past two weeks I have had to let my clients know that I was leaving and they would be getting a new Case Manager. It was hard because they had no idea this was coming and I just had to throw it on them. As much as I know I'm not letting them down, its hard to not feel that way. I feel like I'm saying, "okay, i've been in your life for the past 11 months and i've gotten you to trust me and allow me to be a part of your life and have become a form of social support for you but now i'm just going to up and leave and there have been so many people in your life that have done before and i'm just perpetuating this cycle of distrust and guarded hearts, awesome." Most of my clients were surprised and sad. Most were sad that I was leaving so soon. All were excited for me though. I always talk with my clients that life is about choices. We always talk about what's going to get you where you want to be and for me, this move to Seattle, is that. That concept relates with them, they understand that, and support me in that. And a few clients that I thought just "tolerated" me were the most sad. One even said she was proud of me because she had never met anyone my age doing something with thier life. To know that I connected with those that I thought it was impossible to connect with is encouraging, especially as I head on to my new position.

I expected some of my clients to be sad, but I didn't expect myself to be sad. There are some families that I just know are going to be succesful and its sad on my end, that I get to be a part of thier lives for this time, but I don't get to see the ending. I feel like this is so true in most of life though. We have friends, acquaintances, co-workers, etc that come and go throughout our lives. It's natural. I can look back from all the experiences I have been blessed with and am thankful for the roles that people have played in my life, even for a short time. As for my clients, I am so thankful that I got to be a part of their lives for this short time. I feel that I not only learned abou them, but continued to learn about myself and how God created me. This is another step along their and my journeys.